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Topics - RichardN

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Bullshit and Random Banter / Is Yakob still alive?
« on: September 21, 2018, 06:45:51 PM »

Bullshit and Random Banter / Additional Contributions for USMC Trip Bingo
« on: September 04, 2018, 09:05:26 PM »
To add to the list in the Font bullshit book to allow for creation of future tired joke / USMC bullshit bingo games.....

(Disclaimer: I only wrote in the Font BS book after finishing my bottle of wine each night. I may repeat myself)

So the list:

- There's an echo in here
- The game where you put your hand up for no reason just to see how many people copy you (snappy title I know)
- When Novelty incorrectly uses "hashtag" I.E. "just sayin' 'ashtag"

Diary / Roaches Trip 15/4 - 17/4
« on: April 05, 2016, 02:54:24 PM »
Time to go play on some grit. The roaches is my favourite crag north of Bristol so well worth a visit for anyone who hasn't been before.
Valkyrie before breakfast anyone?

We will probably camp which is 3 a night. The campsite is basic but is a short walk to a good pub according to expert* reviews.
We will do club food saturday night.
Assuming we have a full bus of 9 people cost will be 32 assuming you eat club food (and that the campsite is indeed still 3 a night)To get yourself a bus seat please pay a 20 deposit into the USMC account or in cash to me as per usual. There is possibly the potential to move to a 14 seater bus if we need it.

(*Mark Summers)


1) Nash
2) Izzy (Paid) (d)
3) Twindle (paid) (d)
4) Magnus (paid)
8 )

Diary / SPLOSH: 23/3 - 30/3
« on: February 28, 2016, 06:23:41 PM »

It's splosh time!

For those STILL not in the loop this is one of the biggest trips of the year. A week in cornwall climbing granite sea cliffs. What more could you want?

Ohhh a night devoted to the consumption of filthy fried chicken and mead in a poorly lit room? Say no more. MMMEEEEEAAAAADERY. The meadery is a drinking highlight of the year. Dinner and as much mead as you can shake a shitty stick at.

This thread may give some useful advice for splosh virgins (maybe take most of this advice with a pinch of salt, no guarantee or liability offered or implied ;)
Plan is to take two buses one leaving tuesday (22nd march) afternoon for a bonus day of climbing the other on the wednesday to return the following wednesday.

Want to come? Ofc you do.

If so do the following:
1) Pay deposit of 50 into club a/c and post ref below or give me cash - deposit gets you your bus space!
2) Say which bus you want
3) Post in thread if you need to borrow gear (separate threads to make life easier)

4) post in that same thread ^ whether you want meat (chicken) or veggie dinner at meadery.

For those coming by car. Camping cost is likely to be 7 a night again tbc. Please give me some rough idea of when you might appear and disappear. And post in this thread that you / others in your car are coming to meadery (or if you need tent spaces etc)

Any other questions?

Get on it!

Red Wing (Tuesday bus flag ship)

1) Nash
2) Beth (d)
3) Izzy (d)
4) Jacob Grundy (paid)
5) Thom Cousin (paid) (potentially move onto blue)
6) Trips Officer Emeritus Crabb (paid)

7) Joe P (Paid)
8 )  Clifton (paid)

Blue Wing
1) Trips Officer Emeritus Wake (d)
2) Twindle (d) (paid)
3) Dave (Paid)
4) Abi (paid)
5) Ash (Paid)
8 )
12 ? )

Great Unwashed:
Mark and Hannah > Tuesday - Wednesday
Sam T, James, Lu Lu, Melody > Sat - wednesday 
Vines Bros > Wed - Weds
Chris > Sat - Weds?
Jo Mac and Michael > Fri - Weds (Jo in caravan)
Nic, Ellie, Lauren > Fri - Monday

« on: February 28, 2016, 06:16:23 PM »
Please only post in this thread to say you need to borrow tent, roll matt, or sleeping bag (fairly limited supply)

and / or to say you will be attending the meadery. Two food options for meadery: meat and not.

There should be a maximum of one post per person in this thread. Any ramblings or bullshit will be purged to keep this easy to look back at for me!

Bullshit and Random Banter / Lessons learned from Splosh 2015.
« on: February 15, 2016, 03:15:41 PM »
The latest instalment in the now yearly educational supplement. As with almost everything in climbing there's only one way to really learn a lesson, the hard way!

  • Playing odd or even with Crabb* will end badly.  (*or anyone with an equally pre-pubescant hairless chest)
  • It is possible to fit three grown men in the back of a shit convertible peugeot.
  • When you find out the driver has had sex on the back seat of said peugeot you suddenly all get less excited about this achievement.
  • Trying to find a new crag on meadery day is a poor call.
  • Fig 8s are clearly a vital piece of climbing gear and should be carried at all times, ideally multiples of them, if you're not climbing useful places to put them include your sleeping bag...
  • It is possible (in a non hypothermic way) to climb topless at splosh.
  • Cams that have been welded into a crack for many many years are good psychological gear, until you climb high enough to see that its so corroded a good sneeze could dislodge it.
  • Solar lights for your tent are a ridiculous addition and everyone else will endlessly mess with them to remind you of this point.
  • Bunting for your tent will not survive the wind either
  • In fact pretty much all tent decoration is out...
  • If you're up and ready, getting back into your tent at the other end of the field to read your book is likely to result in missing the bus.
  • 3/4 of a bottle of pinot grigio is considered too much for meadery pre drinks.
  • The author still questions the life choices that lead to considering pre drinking for the meadery a good idea.
  • Mushrooms should be smuggled into all club meals when Crabb's back is turned.
  • Driving to cornwall only for the meadery seems like a much better idea before your car starts to reallly struggle with life.
  • Don't panic buy 2 days worth of club food in 15 minutes unless you want to feel like dale winton.
  • The best way to do your first E1 is in ignorance of its grade.
  • If you want to enjoy seconding Joe Potter, suggest he doesn't bother taking his offset nuts with him.
  • The walk out of saxon is more dangerous than actually climbing it.
  • Pubs are not for sleeping in (apparently)
  • random Internet strangers very occasionally make good, real, non-rapey climbing partners. Very occasionally
  • Agreeing to meet said random internet strangers in a field in rural cornwall is definitely the best way to find out.
Additions welcomed!

Lessons from previous years are here for further education:

Splosh dates for this year are: 23rd-30th March (possible tuesday night bus on 22nd)

Diary / Democracy Trip 26th - 28th Feb
« on: February 10, 2016, 10:50:11 AM »
Right we're going to swanage.

Bus will leave saturday AM. Hopefully staying at scout hall at langton matravers which means warm!
Club food will occur so post any allergies etc.

Because accom is tbc (therefore exact cost) and it will obviously depend on numbers attending please pay a 15 deposit and there may be a small balance to pay upon return (I'd guess somwhere between 0 and 10)

Ali's Car:
Colin (?)
(Alan, Marie ???)

Twindle / Lucas's Car

Diary / 12/2 - 14/2 Wye Wye Wye Delilah.....
« on: January 21, 2016, 09:08:08 PM »
Right I've sorted my shit!

Looking for an excuse to get out of Valentines day? I have the solution for you! ;)

Wye valley is here.

What do you need to know?:
1) We leave friday night come back sunday
2) It's in Wales but don't let that put you off
3) We're camping (Hollah if you need a tent space or sleeping bag)
4) There is trad and sport available (one each day could be a winner)
5) I will do club dinner on the Saturday night for the standard cost of 3 per head > Tell me about allergies! Or non meat eating.
6) Total cost anticipated to be 28 assuming I have a sensible number on the bus.

Want to come? Ofc you do.
Do the following:

1) Pay 28 into USMC bank a/c and post ref below or give me cash. (25 if you don't want dinner. Anyone wanting to camp only bring 10 cash)
2) Make sure membership is sorted.
3) Let me know about tents / food

Roll up roll up, first paid first served.

1) Nash
2) Izzy (d) (paid)
3) Thom Cousins (paid)
4) Magnus (paid nash 30 cash)
5) Ellie (paid)
6) Joe Potter (Paid w/ roaches money)
7)  Jacob Rawson (Paid)
8 ) Ali G (paid)

Diary / 5/12 - 6/12 Portland Trip: The one with all the sport
« on: November 25, 2015, 10:39:57 AM »
Roll up roll up

Freshers: No Safety Test Pass = No Trip

This is the last outdoors trip of the year heading down south to Portland for some bolt clipping based sport action.

For the uninitiated Sport is a different style of climbing more like leading indoors: the net result is that you're more likely to get to lead something, even if not you will probably do more climbing in a day than if it was Trad (I.e. freshers trip).

Buses will leave early saturday morning and blaze down. Climbing saturday.

We're staying in the bunker which is a great bunk house on portland. This year we are sharing the bunker so we are limited to 9 PEOPLE ONLY - also one of these 9 will have to crash on a bedroom floor or spoon it out. (It was the best I could do)

We will do club dinner on the saturday night at the usual cost of 3 so please hollah if you are a vegetarian or allergic to anything. Menu is likely to be red splat which is something approximating to bolognaise.

Potential for some club breakfast if people are keen probably around the 1.50 / 2 mark. (fry up)

Like I say only 9 spaces, anyone else wanting to come above that will need to day trip it or find another place to stay.

Total cost of trip will be 30 assuming the bus runs full (+3 for dinner) (+2?? For breakfast) (This is a tad more expensive than freshers trip because of the cost of the bunker).

One more thing: I'm not going because I'm off to watch the Mighty Quins destroy London Irish so I will need someone to be club cook and to pay the bunker lady. As per freshers trip I will do all the bus related faff on the friday evening.

You want to come?

Ofc you do!

Pay 33 into club a/c and post ref below or give to me in cash. First paid first served.

Peace Out

Diary / Swanage Day Trip 21/11
« on: November 04, 2015, 01:52:01 PM »
Yo yo yo
So this was supposed to be a weekend job but the Bunker at Portland is booked and the people who run the scout hall at Langton Matravers are uncontactable it seems.

Depart Campus early saturday morning and then go rock out some swanage action, happy to take a vote on sport v trad.Be back saturday evening.

Yes this only a week after fresher's, exciting times right!

Bus is booked so I have 12 seats. Bus seat will cost you 10 which I would like in cash to make the finance people's lives easier. (This should be the total cost unless the bus is a long way from full)

First paid, first served (excluding Drivers)

Sign up below or hollah at me at SSP

Diary / Fresher's Trip 2015 - The one with all the freshers 13/11 - 15/11
« on: October 14, 2015, 09:09:08 AM »
It's that time of year again when we introduce a new bunch of fresh faced ones to the big wide world of climbing!

Three minibuses will depart on the Friday night drive up. We're crashing in the Edale Village hall again so roll mats and sleeping bags on the floor (freshers we have some spares of if you need, but let me know beforehand). Friday night will involve some drinking and probably some stupid games.

Saturday we will go an get out on some rock (expect it to be cold) then dinner is usually a chip shop (there is a co-op next door to it so you can buy other stuff / supplies for Sunday at the the same time). Saturday night will definitely involve more stupid games in the hall.

Sunday will be more climbing before busting a groove back to G-town. (Expect to be back between 10 and 11 depending on locker based faff and traffic)

How much will it cost?
The trip will cost 30, this will cover accom and transport. You will need to sort your own food. The club will take some tea / coffee etc to the hall for everyone to have at.
You can pay this either in cash to me. Or pay into the USMC bank account (details below) you MUST include your name and the letters USMC in a reference attached to the payment, if you don't do this it gets lost in union system and we don't get it so you have to pay twice!
Account Name USSU
Account # 58081240
Sort Code 600950


What else should I do?
  • Make sure you've paid club membership (12 on the USSU website, due to difference in what BMC charges non students is 14 now)  and provided details to Joe for emergency contact info (So we can sort you out with BMC insurance and have someone to contact if shit goes wrong)
  • Post on this thread the earliest time you can be on a bus outside the Union ready to leave on friday evening. Also let me know any kit you need to borrow.
  • Pack lots of warm clothes
  • Make sure you're on time for the bus, if you're late it WILL leave without you, and I will keep your , Yeah I'm a twat I know.
People coming in cars accom cost is 10 total.

Unfortunately due to hall booking I made this clash with Mumma Nash's 50th birthday party, so I can't come :( :( I will see the buses off on friday evening and disappear. I'll try and jig it so there's at least one recognisable committee member on each bus for freshers. Anyone needing to pay cash for accom (car people) I'll let you know nearer the time who to give this to. (Probably Lauren or Will)

Red Wing (1800)
1) Michael Payne (D)
2) James Barry (D)
3) Thom Cousins (paid)
4)Abi Sanderson (cash)
5) Cameron U (paid)
6) Kristina Gray (paid cash)
7) Matthew Creighton (paid cash)
8 ) Dave Knobson (paid cash)
9) Clifton (Paid cash)
10) Aisling O'Keefe (paid dave cash)
11) Jo Mac 
12) Pip Furey (cash)

Pink Wing (1800)... Guess who chose this colour...
1) Izzy (d)
2) Lucas (d)
3) Lauren K (paid cash)
4)  Jacob (Paid)
5) Emma (Paid)
6) Ali G(paid)
8 ) Brett (paid)
9) Mirka  (paid)
10) Giulia (paid)
11) Ibad (paid)
12) Chris Robb (paid)

Blue Wing - 1900
1) Si Hyslop (d) (paid)
2) James Brooks (Paid)
3) Katie S (paid)
4) Joe Potter (cash)
5) Library Claire (cash)
6) Fatty (d) (paid)
7) Lwin Moe Han (paid, cash)
8 ) Callum Taylor (paid cash)
9) Dan Morrisey (paid)
People who can't read and therefore haven't bothered telling me what time bus they can get on:

Car Based Bitches:

Twindle- Sam T (paid with credit from font) , Katie L-D (paid 10 cash)
Josh: Beth (Both paid)
Kate A: Tammy(Paid 10 in credit from AD)
Josiah Eye can't see (paid)  (Give 10 Josiah's fuel money to kate, then Kate has paid for hall)

Helen B
Beth A (10 paid)
Beth A: +/-1?

You want to go somewhere that you can:
- Crush hard on awesome sport slate? (Everyone crushes so much harder on slate, I onsighted 6b+ last time without even blowing hard and I'm shit!)
- Do long alpine stuff on big ridges?
- Some sweet ass trad?
- Or just climb a mountain (well the nearest thing wales has to them)?
- and get an awesome siabod breakfast? (As much grease and tea as you can shake a shitty stick at!)

If the answer to any of these is yes, N Wales could be right up your Uberstrasse!

We'll depart friday afternoon / early evening. We will be camping but if you're a pussy there is a bunkhouse on the same campsite I believe. Two bus spaces are reserved for BMC safety seminar attendees and because I've only got a 9 seater for speed there aren't many spaces free!

Deposit is 30 for a bus space, usual rules apply post ref below etc. - Also bring some with you to pay the campsite man. Amount tbc.

Please note I'm going to be ripping it up in the Dolomites from the 19th Sep - 27th Sept so if this thread doesn't get updated it's because I'm busy being more rad than you.

1) Nash
2) Safety seminar attendee - Ali G (Paid)
3) Safety seminar attendee
4) Miller (d)
5) Twindle - (paid, credit) (d)
6) Thomas Hunter
7) Beth (from somewhere in t'North
 8)  Josiah
9) Josiah's Mate

Pack your passports!

Other Activities / 5&10k race 6th September - Hatchlands
« on: August 15, 2015, 04:35:34 PM »
I'm going to do the 10k run, I think Fatty is in too. Anyone else fancy a race?

The 5k race is the same time I think, just stopping after one lap. Entry is 10-15 depending on what distance you run. You can book in advance or on the day.

Diary / FONT 2015: The one with all the bouldering 26/8 - 2/9
« on: July 06, 2015, 04:28:33 PM »
Yo yo yo my brethren of Afro-American origin  8) ,

EDIT (15/7): CCurrently as there are no bus people going I haven't bothered contacting the campsite. If there doesn't end up being a bus going I will leave car based people to sort themselves out with the campsite / among yourselves.

It's font time! Otherwise known as the only place where outdoors bouldering is not only socially acceptable but actually good!

For those who haven't been before your first font is like some kind of religious experience. It's great because you can do any or all of the following:
- Rock out circuits (aka a lot of problems in a day, the variety of problem in font is amazing)
- Crank hard on some sort of a project
- Be sociable because you drank too much strong beer the night before
It's probably my favourite trip of the year. Still not sold? Take a look at some of these!

This all said unfortunately I cannot attend this year so I need a deputy, I will handle everything in England including money, Eurotunnel bookings etc etc. I need you to do club food, collect money from people, pay camping, pay tolls and fuel and keep tabs on all of this well enough that Will can easily sort out the situation upon your return. Please hollah if you can help, this job could realistically be split across a few people (Will need at least one financially responsible person per bus for tolls etc anyway)

For those planning on how much this will all cost you should probably anticipate 10 euros per day assuming you have club food. Last year total cost of the buses (Mileage, tolls, channel crossing) was around 90 per person.

For those wishing to attend:

1) I have two buses booked so looking for 4 drivers, I therefore have 14 spaces to offer to non drivers
2) bus will depart am of Wednesday the 26th and will be back in the ford the night time of the 2nd
3) deposits will be 90, you can pay into club account (DON'T FORGET A REFERENCE AND POST IT BELOW!) as per usual or hand me cash if it suits. 1st paid 1st served, as usual deposits are non refundable.
4) you will need BMC insurance

car based people  please let me know when you plan to attend and who will be with you.

I think that's it for now.

Car based folk


1. Sarah

Ginger ninja
John W


2. Novelty wagon


3. Apple mobile

Liz Orchard


4. Spaceship


5. Beemer

Si Hyslop
Norris/ Gay Tom

6. Beemer II


Climbing Talk / The woes involved in buying snap gates / qds
« on: July 06, 2015, 04:08:52 PM »
I want 5 x 20 or 25cm clean nosed QuickDraws. I want red on one end silver on the other end. Grey to gear, red to rope etc.

Is this is easy?

Is it arse!

Wildcountry are changing their colours to blue silver, dmm do silver silver,  people seem keen to flog me mixed length packs. I don't want some baby little 10cm draw.

Also trying to purchase different coloured snap gates to make extenders is harder work tghan it should be!


If anyone has any suggestions throw them here.

Other Activities / Parkrun!
« on: May 21, 2015, 03:59:30 PM »
I'm losing my park run virginity this weekend with Claire.

Anyone else keen?

Diary / 2015/2016 - diary dates
« on: April 09, 2015, 05:38:07 PM »
For the super keen, or overly organised I've just shortened my life once again with the union bus booking system so here's a list of proposed trips for next year.

Assuming I get all the buses I want dates are fixed , but destinations could change

The one with all the bouldering (Font) - 26/8 - 2/9
BMC Safety Seminar 9/10 - 11/10
The one with all the freshers - 6/11 - 8/11 Hall was booked for this weekend so we're going 13th - 15th November now
 Swanage - 21/11 - 22/11
The one with the bunker (Portland) - 5/12 - 6/12 - I'm watching the Mighty Quins play rugby this weekend so need a volunteer to assist with this. LIMITED TO 9 PEOPLE DUE TO OTHER BUNKER BOOKING, ONE PERSON WILL ALSO HAVE TO SLEEP ON A ROLL MAT ON A BEDROOM FLOOR.
White spider - 12th or 13th dec (if Xmas dinner is 11th we will go 13th for sake of hangovers)

Exams and bullshit
Wye wye wye Delilah - 12th - 14th Feb
Avon - 26th -28th Feb
SPLOSH! - 23rd -30th march
Roaches if I can get hut or democracy trip if not - 15th-17th April
N Wales (bank holiday win!) - 29/04 - 02/05
Democracy day trip - 14th may
Peaks (more bank holiday win) - 27/05 - 30/05

It could be argued may is a tad thin, however I will be in final year of masters and that shit counts ! So don't wanna plan too much until I have someone lined up to run it for me.

Peace out
Field Commander Nash

Bullshit and Random Banter / Lessons Learned from Splosh 2014
« on: February 16, 2015, 12:25:49 PM »
It's that time of year again when to aid excitement for Splosh / educate the freshers we must gather pearls of wisdom learnt from Splosh last time out!

  • Vinegar is the only way to slow down clifton's drinking!
  • THERE'S A MEGA SAINSBURYS NOW :O  Sainsburys >> Tesco
  • It's worth making sure that all of your cams around a particular size aren't seized before you try to assemble a belay on an E1 at Chair Ladder.... (Alan ;) )
  • Given enough time in close proximity to the Barry twins and you WILL end up in A&E
  • 4-player air hockey at the shit machines in St Ives is the dog's bollocks
  • The Bouldering at Godrevy is tidal......
  • Cornish children are terrifying gobshites
  • Josiah and Seb enjoy taking shits on one another....
  • No one will buy reduced to clear custard tarts off you, you will not make a profit.
  • Cams usually work. But sometimes they don't and you end up being dragged down a steep slope towards the edge if a cliff
  • If you must take a ground fall make sure your belayer is: "a big man, that's for sure"  Minimum Size: Michael.
  • Extrem Boule is best played into the boot of a car
  • Unless it is your car
  • It is possible to make non-ethnic rice (Skill of trips officer dependent)
  • Getting a bus out on the road to go climbing by 10am the day after the meadery will anger the gods and you will be rewarded with a shit load of rain
  • Playing lunge pool can snap cues in half.
  • Clotted cream not used on scone should be put in Coffee, it just takes some serious commitment to stir it in...
  • Locking Nogina in the bus for her security is a flawed plan if you then give the key to someone mercenary enough to sell her to Pete & Julia for beers!
  • The thumb loops on club cams make it really easy and smooth to remove them from you harness and place them. Unless you are Dave "Captain dyspraxia" Robson who will fumble and cock it up, even when not pumped stood on a nice ledge.
Anyone got any other important nuggets? Lessons Learned 2012:
Lessons Learned 2013:

Co-Author Credits: Michael, Crabb, Joe , James Baz

Geek Talk / A question primarily for Aero/Mech engs
« on: August 29, 2014, 08:59:52 AM »
Does anyone know where you can find a list of companies who are AS9100 approved?
This is the aerospace specific version of ISO9001, so if anyone knows how to get hold of a list of companies approved under that standard that might help aswell?

Climbing Talk / cams for nerds
« on: July 28, 2014, 09:57:03 PM »
Some guy at Avon gorge was telling me an Alan "a bore fact" about cams, it wasn't a fact at all and it turns out cams are quite interesting, so being a good nerdy engineer I did some research. I found this which would seem to suggest that contrary to what seems to be popular opinion an overcammed cam has the same holding power. Just potentially more likely to get stuck.

(This link just starts downloading a paper I found about the maths behind cams)

And now I'm absolutely certain of just one thing, I need a life.

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