Author Topic: Lessons learned from Splosh 2015.  (Read 1117 times)

Offline RichardN

  • USMC Committee '14
  • Master of bull!!
  • *****
  • Posts: 1015
  • Mind like a cesspool, mouth like a drain.
    • View Profile
Lessons learned from Splosh 2015.
« on: February 15, 2016, 03:15:41 PM »
The latest instalment in the now yearly educational supplement. As with almost everything in climbing there's only one way to really learn a lesson, the hard way!


  • Playing odd or even with Crabb* will end badly.  (*or anyone with an equally pre-pubescant hairless chest)
  • It is possible to fit three grown men in the back of a shit convertible peugeot.
  • When you find out the driver has had sex on the back seat of said peugeot you suddenly all get less excited about this achievement.
  • Trying to find a new crag on meadery day is a poor call.
  • Fig 8s are clearly a vital piece of climbing gear and should be carried at all times, ideally multiples of them, if you're not climbing useful places to put them include your sleeping bag...
  • It is possible (in a non hypothermic way) to climb topless at splosh.
  • Cams that have been welded into a crack for many many years are good psychological gear, until you climb high enough to see that its so corroded a good sneeze could dislodge it.
  • Solar lights for your tent are a ridiculous addition and everyone else will endlessly mess with them to remind you of this point.
  • Bunting for your tent will not survive the wind either
  • In fact pretty much all tent decoration is out...
  • If you're up and ready, getting back into your tent at the other end of the field to read your book is likely to result in missing the bus.
  • 3/4 of a bottle of pinot grigio is considered too much for meadery pre drinks.
  • The author still questions the life choices that lead to considering pre drinking for the meadery a good idea.
  • Mushrooms should be smuggled into all club meals when Crabb's back is turned.
  • Driving to cornwall only for the meadery seems like a much better idea before your car starts to reallly struggle with life.
  • Don't panic buy 2 days worth of club food in 15 minutes unless you want to feel like dale winton.
  • The best way to do your first E1 is in ignorance of its grade.
  • If you want to enjoy seconding Joe Potter, suggest he doesn't bother taking his offset nuts with him.
  • The walk out of saxon is more dangerous than actually climbing it.
  • Pubs are not for sleeping in (apparently)
  • random Internet strangers very occasionally make good, real, non-rapey climbing partners. Very occasionally
  • Agreeing to meet said random internet strangers in a field in rural cornwall is definitely the best way to find out.
Additions welcomed!


Lessons from previous years are here for further education:
2014: http://www.surreyclimbs.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=5734.0
2013: http://www.surreyclimbs.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=5659.0
2012: http://www.surreyclimbs.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=5516.0


Splosh dates for this year are: 23rd-30th March (possible tuesday night bus on 22nd)
« Last Edit: February 15, 2016, 03:39:32 PM by RichardN »
I am Nash, hear me roar

Offline tehmarks

  • USMC Newbie!
  • *
  • Posts: 10
    • View Profile
Re: Lessons learned from Splosh 2015.
« Reply #1 on: February 15, 2016, 03:30:23 PM »
I second that Joe Potter might consider a different selection of nuts for an enjoyable day at the crag. Also, falling asleep in Cornish pubs apparently isn't a good idea, and random Internet strangers very occasionally make good, real, non-rapey climbing partners. Very occasionally.

Offline Mr. Crabb

  • USMC Committee '14
  • Forum addict!
  • *****
  • Posts: 461
  • Resident knot enthusiast
    • View Profile
Re: Lessons learned from Splosh 2015.
« Reply #2 on: February 15, 2016, 03:31:18 PM »
Don't buy 2 days of club dinner in 15 minutes before the shop closes unless you want to feel like dale winton
"Man, this route is just not my style."

"Technique is no substitute for power"- Ben Moon

"Spread your legs and trust the rubber." - Unknown

Offline Mr. Crabb

  • USMC Committee '14
  • Forum addict!
  • *****
  • Posts: 461
  • Resident knot enthusiast
    • View Profile
Re: Lessons learned from Splosh 2015.
« Reply #3 on: February 15, 2016, 03:35:22 PM »
Oh and another one.

If you want a great sun tan, make sure you place as many hexes as possible so they can fall down cracks and take 40 minutes to get out.
"Man, this route is just not my style."

"Technique is no substitute for power"- Ben Moon

"Spread your legs and trust the rubber." - Unknown

Offline Novelty Matt

  • Administrator
  • I need to get out more!
  • ******
  • Posts: 4336
    • View Profile
Re: Lessons learned from Splosh 2015.
« Reply #4 on: February 15, 2016, 04:34:00 PM »
If you want to ensure it's sunny book a caravan (actually wait that's one for next years list)

If you complain your leader places gear too high he'll probably place it much more sensibly.
purveyor of tat...

Offline Joe Potter

  • USMC Committee '14
  • Far too much free time!!
  • *****
  • Posts: 78
    • View Profile
Re: Lessons learned from Splosh 2015.
« Reply #5 on: February 15, 2016, 06:34:16 PM »
Whilst I would like to deny that I have a habit of getting offsets stuck I think it is probably true and therefore fair to add:
  • Just because you can slot an offset nut into the back of an awkward crack doesn't mean you should.

Also:
  • The correct way to watch a nice sunset is with your trousers down.
  • Rope bags with a single strap are shit for wearing as a second, a mistake that is only made once.
  • Standing on your girlfriend's lunch in the tent, whilst drunk, is amusing only for those within earshot of the bollocking you receive and is not something that is quickly forgotten.

Offline Joe Potter

  • USMC Committee '14
  • Far too much free time!!
  • *****
  • Posts: 78
    • View Profile
Re: Lessons learned from Splosh 2015.
« Reply #6 on: February 15, 2016, 06:35:10 PM »
If you want to make Land's End Long more exciting, make sure one of the nuts in your belay pops...?

Offline BethBeth

  • Far too much free time!!
  • ***
  • Posts: 152
  • Bionic Beth
    • View Profile
Re: Lessons learned from Splosh 2015.
« Reply #7 on: February 15, 2016, 06:48:00 PM »
Oh and another one.

If you want a great sun tan, make sure you place as many hexes as possible so they can fall down cracks and take 40 minutes to get out.

Oh man, I got so sunburnt! But also:
If you place hexes in difficult to reach cracks for your second - expect a great sun tan  :D

When a minibus driver decides to go over 90mph, downhill on a very windy day - expect bits to start flying off.

Doing your first ever Lead climb under encouragement from random internet strangers is totally a great idea.

If you try to play obscure drinking games with cups of tea you still get just as confused, with a burnt tongue.

Offline Alex D

  • USMC Committee '13
  • Forum addict!
  • *****
  • Posts: 262
    • View Profile
Re: Lessons learned from Splosh 2015.
« Reply #8 on: February 15, 2016, 06:49:40 PM »
If you want to make Land's End Long more exciting, make sure one of the nuts in your belay pops...?

Haha. Thankfully the only other nut was solid when I placed it! Though the scar on my hand reminds me not to try this again.

Offline BethBeth

  • Far too much free time!!
  • ***
  • Posts: 152
  • Bionic Beth
    • View Profile
Re: Lessons learned from Splosh 2015.
« Reply #9 on: February 15, 2016, 06:54:02 PM »
It is possible for St Ives to run out of scones, as experienced during the Great Scone scandal 2015.

Offline Novelty Matt

  • Administrator
  • I need to get out more!
  • ******
  • Posts: 4336
    • View Profile
Re: Lessons learned from Splosh 2015.
« Reply #10 on: February 15, 2016, 06:55:01 PM »
This is why you go see Rosemergy
purveyor of tat...

Offline Joe Potter

  • USMC Committee '14
  • Far too much free time!!
  • *****
  • Posts: 78
    • View Profile
Re: Lessons learned from Splosh 2015.
« Reply #11 on: February 15, 2016, 11:24:03 PM »
It is possible for St Ives to run out of scones, as experienced during the Great Scone scandal 2015.

Let us never forget the Great Scone Scandal, it was a dark time!  :(

Offline Mr. Crabb

  • USMC Committee '14
  • Forum addict!
  • *****
  • Posts: 461
  • Resident knot enthusiast
    • View Profile
Re: Lessons learned from Splosh 2015.
« Reply #12 on: February 16, 2016, 11:16:41 AM »
Got another one:


When on bosi ridge, for maximum fun make sure you place 3 hex's at once.  Photo for reference: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=915071263058&set=pb.36703002.-2207520000.1455621366.&type=3&theater
"Man, this route is just not my style."

"Technique is no substitute for power"- Ben Moon

"Spread your legs and trust the rubber." - Unknown

Offline RichardN

  • USMC Committee '14
  • Master of bull!!
  • *****
  • Posts: 1015
  • Mind like a cesspool, mouth like a drain.
    • View Profile
Re: Lessons learned from Splosh 2015.
« Reply #13 on: February 16, 2016, 05:00:08 PM »
Got another one:


When on bosi ridge, for maximum fun make sure you place 3 hex's at once.  Photo for reference: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=915071263058&set=pb.36703002.-2207520000.1455621366.&type=3&theater

1/3 of those bits of gear might have actually held something meaning it is still statistically better than your gear in our first / second year ;)
I am Nash, hear me roar

Offline RichardN

  • USMC Committee '14
  • Master of bull!!
  • *****
  • Posts: 1015
  • Mind like a cesspool, mouth like a drain.
    • View Profile
Re: Lessons learned from Splosh 2015.
« Reply #14 on: February 16, 2016, 05:01:18 PM »

  • The correct way to watch a nice sunset is with your trousers down.


For maximum enjoyment (especially Tor / Tessa's enjoyment ) I suggest replacing trousers with a tri suit worn without pants....


The sequence of photos start here: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10101928598082759&set=a.10101928595028879.1073741833.197801108&type=3&theater
« Last Edit: February 16, 2016, 05:13:25 PM by RichardN »
I am Nash, hear me roar

Offline RichardN

  • USMC Committee '14
  • Master of bull!!
  • *****
  • Posts: 1015
  • Mind like a cesspool, mouth like a drain.
    • View Profile
Re: Lessons learned from Splosh 2015.
« Reply #15 on: February 16, 2016, 05:05:22 PM »
Getting out of your tent in the morning can often mean you get cold. So bring your sleeping bag with you. But what if it gets wet? Well tesco carrier bags over the feet make a stylish addition and will ensure ideal thermal environment in which to enjoy your coffee.
 See: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10101928595652629&set=a.10101928595028879.1073741833.197801108&type=3&theater




Also: Just because someone is a full grown adult doesn't mean they might not need their gloves tying together onto a piece of a string and looping through their jacket...
I am Nash, hear me roar

Offline MegaDave

  • USMC Committee '14
  • Far too much free time!!
  • *****
  • Posts: 160
    • View Profile
Re: Lessons learned from Splosh 2015.
« Reply #16 on: March 04, 2016, 04:34:47 PM »
The club kites can and will pick you up and spit you and/or tiny Irish men into trees.